Random tots

hey peeps... im back...!! 

i really dunno wad to write but i have alot to share which can actually release some strezz  from my head!!  

first is regarding harish and me. it seems that our relationship is just like normal frens. i dunno know y but i feels dat sometimes, i dun remeber if he even exists. these few days, we started to text each other. i tried my best to win his heart bt i just couldnt do it. we quarreled bt i seems to remain calm. he wanted to end this relationship and to my surprised, i said ok.. wad was i doing?? i was like: did i just said ok?  he remain quiet for a few hours bt continue to text me and said he was truly sorry... his vulgarity was up to my nerves den.. i remain chill.. he told me dat he misses me so much.. and apologised for wad he did.. he insist to start afresh. by then is the start of fasting month. i was down with fever on the first day of fasting. very high fever indeed. he still says the word: I LOVE YOU! and i would go like: me too! thanx!! 

while having fever, and while resting after taking half day leave from work, Darwis text me. we were texting just like we used to. the feeling was there.. i miss him den.. it was nice to text with him. wen we started to quarrel and the hot topic was him gt married!! (wad a topic!) we quarreled and things got into emotionally bad.. i gt hit by it!! makes me think of him now and den... 

come back to Harish, i suddenly ask him if he is willing to convert. he said no and he prefers CIVIL MARRIAGE instead. i said ok and was taken aback by his words. wad abt our children den? wad race are going to be? all these questions ran abt in my head. i asked if his parents agrees on this ideas he said yes of course they will. does he really wants me to be his wife??  absolutely yes he wants me as his wife. while texting with him, Darwis was texting me on the other page asking me to forget him eventhough i cant. i was more emotionally upset wen he said dat to me.. the more he said it the more upset i was and the more i was thinking to end my life with the CIVIL MARRIAGE although Darwis stopped me. 

why should he stopped me wen he himself left me n gt married? having said dat, now i feel dat it is better to start afresh with Harish. although i cannot 100% forget Darwis, at least i have someone who can be my listening ears.. 

about the CIVIL MARRIAGE thingy, i think i will have to think it over again.. its nt as simple as we think. my family wont be able to accept it.. 

well, i have to be strong now. i hope i will overcome all this and settle this on my own. i have faith n i believe dat i can go thru this!! 

in my next post den.. daaa....